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Why is it so difficult for victims to disclose their abuse?
Why is this still a subject that, as a society, we tend to sweep under the carpet?
These two questions are inextricably linked.
A child who is being sexually abused will probably have been told “This is our little secret”, or “You must not tell anyone or you will get into trouble” or ” No-one else will understand how special this is”. So the child’s perception is that she is taking part in something that is wrong, something that she cannot talk about, and therefore something that she feels ashamed of. This perception underpins the belief that she must never tell anyone about her experience - approximately one third of abused children never tell of their abuse.
So she is left to share alone in the guilt with the perpetrator.
These negative thoughts and emotions become embedded in the child’s self image and are carried into adulthood. The abuse remaining ‘a secret’ that can never be disclosed.
I know from the many women to whom I have spoken, and those who have responded to me after reading ‘Because you’re a Woman’, that there are still far too many who are left to struggle alone with the shame and guilt throughout their adult lives. Women who say they are not brave enough to speak out. Why should they have to be brave! Why do we not talk openly about this, and show them that it is not something to be ashamed of, nor to carry any guilt that it may have been their fault.
I so often see the windows close in peoples’ eyes when I talk about childhood sexual abuse. Yes it is an unpleasant subject, yes it is something we would really rather didn’t happen. But it does, it is endemic in our society - 1 in 5 little girls are sexually abused (Cross Gov report 2006) - and we do not well serve those who have been victims by maintaining a silence.
I wrote ‘Because you’re a Woman’ to set an example to other victims and survivors to show that I am not ashamed about what I took part in as a child. I am not the guilty party. And neither are they! It is the perpetrators who should be creeping around, silently holding onto this guilty secret, not the victims.
Please let us start talking about this, let us encourage victims to speak out and ask for help to overcome their hurt and release their anger, and grow into the beautiful, confident women that they were born to be.
